Am I fat? Do I look good today? How did I do today? Did I take the right step? Am I making the right choice? What do I do next? All of these questions are rooted in my desire to validate my feelings or actions. But what's wrong about seeking validation, I ask.
Once I get addicted to seeking validation, there's no climbing out of this rabbit hole. The act of seeking validation erodes my real "Self" to the point that I'm no more myself but only a projection of everyone around me. I lose touch with myself. My being, my desires, my aspirations, and my life is not mine anymore. I lose my quiet confidence, ability to deeply introspect, and most importantly, I lose the ability to listen. Because when I solicit validation, I am usually trying to reinforce an existing opinion.
A pertinent question now arises (and I must address this before I propose ways to self-validate) - about the difference between genuine inquiry and validation. To understand the difference, I must ask myself what I'm actually trying to know - is it the search for a ready-made answer, or is it the search for a framework that can help me arrive at the solution myself. When I look for ready-made answers, I seek validation, and when I look for a framework, I genuinely inquire.
As a side-effect, a big reason for discontentment in my life is also erased when I stop soliciting validation because I learn to develop my own framework to arrive at the answer. Since I'm responsible for this framework, I have nobody to blame, and this absence of blame/regret leads to contentment.
But, how do I stop seeking validation? First, I develop self-awareness about my real intention. Now, I use this self-awareness to course-correct. I stop asking the question if I am only seeking an answer. Finally, the search for the framework begins, and even if this search takes a lot longer, it builds self-confidence over time. This self-confidence, when allowed to mature, eliminates the need for validation ultimately.
Namaste.
Thought provoking read !!