Let's talk about labels
The labels we assign others and ourselves
It feels almost impossible to describe myself or any other human being without using a label. He’s kind; he’s a taskmaster; he’s cruel; he’s shy; I’m smart; I’m hard-working, etc. I wouldn’t think twice before labelling almost everyone I meet or know, including myself.
It’s natural for me to think of these labels as facts, but the description is never the thing that is described; the label is often a hasty perception that I’ve formed based on my observation. These perceptions vary by the observer, and thus the perceived is labelled in myriad contrasting forms. For example,
I may label my friend as gentle and kind, but another person may label them as cruel & harsh based on their particular experience. As a whole, my friend might be a combination all of the labels put together or they could be something completely different.
Not only is it impossible for me to label others correctly, but it’s also nigh impossible for me to label myself correctly as my reality is bounded & limited by my perception. That’s just one of the problems with labels.
The other problem with labels is their ability to distort the present. Labels fundamentally fixate me to the past and hinder my ability to observe the present. For example, when I label someone as mean, I will always perceive them from that lens. Even when their present actions defy their meanness, I’ll have a hard time reconciling this behaviour with the label associated with them. This conflict hinders my learning of them, and it distorts my view of the present.
Even more pernicious are the labels that I assign myself. These labels stop me from continually learning about myself. They fixate me to my past and restrain me from becoming a better version of myself. Let’s take a few examples.
When I view myself as an expert, it entails that any new knowledge challenging my reputation will not only be discarded as something absurd, it will also hurt my ego.
If I call myself emotionally weak, I’ve already concluded that I cannot come out of an adverse situation without needing help. This dependence prevents me from examining the root cause of my emotion and learning whether I’m truly capable of reasoning myself out of this state.
When I call myself unlucky, I stop taking chances, because I’ve already resigned to the outcome. And when I stop taking chances, the probability of a favourable outcome becomes zero.
It’s logical now to inquire about the possibility of shedding these labels completely and becoming totally non-judgmental of myself and others. I’m not sure of that path, but becoming aware feels like a step in that direction. Perhaps awareness is the path.
I must also ask myself one last question. Are all labels unhealthy? While some labels help in quick evaluations, others deter me from unlocking my true potential. It’s these labels that I must be deeply aware of.
Namaste.
I believe that it is highly beneficial to go through life with as little judgement of others as possible- listen to their opinions/stances/beliefs and then try to figure out how their circumstances and experiences shaped those views. There is no such thing as normal. I could write for days with personal anecdotes to back up that statement. Some of my richest experiences have been with those who are most unlike me. For the most part, everyone is trying to do the best they can with what they were given.
In response to your line about unlocking your full potential- I would say that it is important for people like you and I to try to turn down the intensity in which we scrutinize ourselves and realize that while there is always room for growth, it is also important to be kind to ourselves as we tend to be our own harshest critic.
One way to do that is to find time for activities that put you into a flow state. Peace from mind as Naval would say. I really enjoy your writing style. Keep up the good work.
Hi Amit, thanks for sharing your thoughts on this matter - so far I'm finding your blog posts very inspiring and they are making me think a bit more about the way I perceive and understand the world :) Having said that, I do wonder whether there's a point in creating labels for ourselves and others. For example, if I am aware of the fact that I am - say - a bit chaotic and disorganised, this knowledge can help me as a reminder that organisation doesn't come natural to me and therefore I have to make an extra effort in order to accomplish my goals. Likewise, if someone has been mean or cruel to us in the past, I think it makes sense to label that individual as such so that we have an idea of what to expect from them (or what not to expect from them). Just like we learn that the dish in the oven is hot (and therefore we shouldn't grab it with bare hands) the first time we go for it, we also learn to behave with others according to our past experiences. That may not be entirely fair for those who have changed and to whom the label no longer applies, but I guess their job will be - if they so wish - to prove others that there has been a change in their behaviour and the label no longer applies to them